Under pressure

“Pushing down on me” don’t worry I am not going to start reciting Queen. Instead I will talk/moan about the pressure myself and many new mums have now.

A pressure I have and been battling with is breastfeeding. However, I am slowly becoming confident with breastfeeding in public (yay)!

Another pressure I am facing is trying to maintain a tidy and clean house. This is very hard when you have a baby that doesn’t sleep much during the day (can’t complain there). I worry that when I have friends and family over they will judge my messy home. So I put a lot of pressure on myself to clean a room or do laundry. If I don’t I have a lot of guilt. I don’t know why I am doing this to myself, but I do. Sometimes I try to meet somewhere else so I don’t feel ashamed.

This takes us to another pressure – socialising. I am a first time mum and with that comes a lot of ANXIETIES when I go out alone without my son. Sure, its great going out but, if you are anything like me, you will worry non stop! I have only been out a few times and yet I miss my son like I am missing a limb. I feel under a lot of pressure and guilt that I shouldn’t be out without him. Yet, I also feel pressure that I should go out with friends. Should I go? Probably should but as I pointed earlier it’s hard.

VERY HARD. I am slowly going out more for a few hours at a time. I guess that’s what it’s going to take time!

The other pressure I face is trying to be “the stepford wife”. I admit it I don’t put a meal out on the table every night. As I am shattered. I do feel terrible and I do feel a lot of pressure to cook. Dealing with a baby who is very stubborn and demands a lot of attention from me, takes away the time for cooking. It means I need to choose what’s more important my son or food. 1000% my son is more important. He is my little sun and gives me something that no one or anything can give. So I prioritise him more. However, I feel that I should cook a meal for my partner and myself but sometimes I just simply can’t. Even though, my partner is very understanding I put a lot pressure on myself. I just want to take a little time to chill, whilst facing the guilt.

I do think many mums go through this and I hope this shows how much we go through daily.

I am not a big fan of clichés but it is good to talk. So talk to your loved ones and they should be able to help.