Imagine this… you work a twelve hour shift and you hear from your parents telling you, what your little amazing person has been up to. Maybe doing a milestone that they have been working up to.
You feel waves of emotion. This wave building up to a tsunami. You feel guilty that you weren’t there watching them. You feel and yet, also wonder if they would notice that you weren’t there.
Well, you are not alone in feeling these emotions. I have the same waves of emotion.
I work two days a week. For me that’s enough as I want to spend a lot of my time with my little person. I want to watch him grow into a kind and charming man. I want to teach him important life skills ( recently it’s baking chocolate cake) and show him what’s right and whats wrong. This is what I want, but I can’t. As I need to work to earn money so I can do some fun stuff with him and show him some pretty cool places. It all adds up!
In a previous post I spoke about finding the balance between mum and work life. However, I am going to concentrate on the guilt we put on ourselves when we are working.
As mums we get scrutinised if we are not working and also when we are working. Not fair!
Do dads get scrutinised? No
So why do mums get the pressure from others? Do dads get the same pressure, more so, do dads get treated the same? I will leave that for you to decide!
It has been well known for a long time that the dad works and becomes the breadwinner and the mum stays at home and becomes the house maker. Now times have changed and the cost of living has gone up. Therefore, both parents have to work to not only pay for the essentials but also to pay to create an amazing childhood for their little VIP!
As a mum I feel the pressure to work and deal with the guilt of leaving my son behind. I miss him terribly. Miss his sarcastic laugh and shouting go! I miss him wanting to dance with me and his adoring big blue eyes staring up at me.
Why do I feel the guilt? The pressure! It goes hand in hand with the guilt. It’s like a combination meal you get from a takeaway.
The guilt builds up inside and then suddenly the tsunami hits you! So you hide in the toilet and have a little cry to yourself. Missing your little person’s touch and laugh. Missing their milestones whether it will be the first time they said a name or a first step in the great outdoors. You just wish you could twitch your nose and move to where they are so you can see them.
It’s heartbreaking. I have been working for the past 7 months and just like waves my emotions comes and go. Sometimes I am so busy that these emotions don’t build up but other days they do.
So I here you ask. What do I do? I find a quiet place and close my eyes and count taking deep breaths to calm me down. It does work and my eyes don’t go red (a big plus there) and I feel calm and happy that my little person is showing off to other people who he loves. So I do feel a little bit proud of him.
That’s why when I spend time with my little person and teach him some amazing and some hilarious things! I have even started to make a list (I do love a list) of what I want to do and what I want to see with him. Some of them are completely out there!
As this article is pretty intense I have decided to share some of my list! You may want to do some of them or simply have a laugh!
- See Thomas the tank engine.
- Go to a castle/palace
- Go to a science centre
- Have a picnic in a woodland
- Look for the gruffalo
I hope this post helps other mums out there. Remember you are not alone. If you need to talk, talk to someone or email me. In the words of Frasier “I am listening” 💖
Shining blue eyes 