Drained

So my blogs are about being a first time mum and the realities of it.

So this part of my blog is about today…

It has been tough for me. Only had a few hours of sleep and my emotions are all over the place.

Today i have been crying for no logical reason (have to admit I was watching greys anatomy).

Today I am scared to go outside for no reason.

Today I am scared to ask my parents or my fiancé’s parents for help, for no reason.

Today i just want to stay in my little bubble, for no reason.

Do I know why. Why I feel like this?

Probably.

It could be that I am exhausted and I am hormonal.

However, why am I so ashamed to contact my people for help?

Why do I feel like this?

I have no idea.

I am not usually like this. So this is unusual for me.

Being a first time mum is mentally hard understandably this is gaining more attention.

Being a first time is draining. If you’re breastfeeding it’s literally draining. I feel more hungry than ever because of course my son gets a lot of my calories.

At time of writing I feel like a big fat cow with my son sucking my finger. I feel ashamed. Ashamed that I should be giving him more. More of me.

If you know what I mean thats great. For others, it’s like I just want to give my son the best of myself x2.

I push myself to ensure I give my son the best start of life. That means I wake up when he wakes up. I try to sleep when he sleeps. I feed him when he is hungry. I take him to classes to stimulate his senses. I read to him as much as possible. I entertain him with my silly voices and dance moves. I teach him about words, colours and winnie the pooh. I hold him close when he is crying. I am there for him! 24/7. Apparently being a mum is the same hours as two full time jobs!

However, I want to give him more because he deserves it.

How? I don’t know.

If anyone does let me know.

Feeling the way I am is heartbreaking. I feel like I am failing as a mum. I know I am doing the best I can but of course its not what I want.

This post is not a pity me post but to show what us mum’s go through. Well this mum.