My little family

So I am currently snuggled up on the sofa with my little man watching The Rescuers. In my opinion one of the best Disney movies!

However, I am not thinking about Disney movies. I am thinking if I ever want to add another addition to my amazing family.

When I was 16 I learned that it would be difficult for me to get pregnant due to a condition I have. So my hopes for a family vanished. I gave up hope and just focused on a career and living my life on the edge. Mainly by me trying out extreme sports and going to places that I couldn’t go to.

I even joked about with my parents that I would adopt a Mongolian child as they are so cute!

Then in 2015 I fell for my husband. I didn’t know how he would react when I told him that the chances of us having a family would be very small. To my surprise he accepted this and even went with me to speak to a specialist. After this appointment we both were deflated. We accepted that if we were wanting to have a family we would have to go through IVF. We thought about this and adoption.

It was a tough time for us. But, we carried on living our life. We decided when the time was right we would look into IVF more or adoption. We accepted that we might not have a mini person in our life.

We found a home for us to move into. On the day we moved in together Sean proposed (very Parks and Recreation) so we focused on getting some of the house done and planning the wedding.

Then the day before we went to a wedding fayre. We discovered that we were having a baby! I was in disbelief! Surely, I can’t be! I thought my chances were very slim.

Then a panic sunk in. How are my parents going to react? So we decided to tell them on the same day. As they knew about my condition to my astonishment they were excited and worried at the same time. I remember my dad shouting yes then having a whisky to celebrate!

My pregnancy was hard. I faced really bad morning sickness. My anxiety was through the roof and I was worried every single day.

Due to my condition I had to get scans regularly. To check everything was ok. For my first scan I was so nervous what if it showed that I wasn’t pregnant? What if the scan showed abnormalities? Was I ready for this?

So many thoughts were rushing through my head. Until I saw my little man. We didn’t want to find out the sex. So we could have a surprise. When I saw him my heart flipped I think I even shed a few tears of joy.

I could actually have a baby!

Of course photos were sent to the immediate family.

However, I still had to make a decision to have amniocentesis test where the results are accurate but the chances of a miscarriage is high due to the test being invasive. Or continue to have more growth scans.

I really didn’t want the chances to increase of me having a miscarriage so we decided to continue having growth scans. We had growth scans every 6 weeks.

I was still anxious and scared. The morning sickness didn’t help either! Then to top it off I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes!

So before every meal I had to test my blood. As a nurse I knew the procedure but I really didn’t realise how sore it was! We both changed our diet. We reduced our milk intake which was hard, really hard. I even managed to not put much weight on.

Luckily, I didn’t have any cravings but I was put off some food. One was steak. So I stopped eating steak. I had to change my diet completely for this pregnancy. I was missing milkshakes. I was missing having a nice sweet treat.

When I get anxious I eat. So I had to think of other ways to reduce my anxiety. Instead, I focused on the nursery and the theme of it (there has to be a theme)!

I didn’t want to buy too much, as I didn’t want to jinx it. I was so worried that I couldn’t carry full term.

So close to 9 months my little man arrived in this world. I was so relieved that he arrived safely. However, I was still anxious. Anxious about his condition. I was hoping that my condition wouldn’t pass onto him.

During the stay at the hospital he was seen by 4 doctors. Assessing him and ensuring everything was ok. Most of the doctors were great and were happy with his condition. However, there was one doctor who wanted me to stay another day. I was already in there for 2 nights with little sleep (thanks to snorers and an incredibly loud door lock)!

I said no. I was exhausted. I simply wanted to go home. Luckily, the last doctor who spoke to us said that we can go home and will phone us with the results. Think she actually felt sorry for me.

So we finally went home. A few days later we got the call from the doctor who advised that James is fine and he has no issues and doesn’t have my condition. I was so relieved and so happy. Spending all of my pregnancy worried about him and changing my diet was worth it.

However, could I do this all over again? I don’t know. My pregnancy was tough and I was a little bit younger but I don’t know if my body can go through it again. The chances would be higher of my next child having my condition. Also I don’t know if I can even have another baby.

I love my son unconditionally but we can’t guarantee that we will be as lucky. We are so lucky to have a mischievous and clever son.

In the meantime, I am just lucky enough to have my little family that I have dreamed of for a long time.

That’s why I can’t answer the question many mum’s get asked “will you have another baby?” As I really don’t know. I will be quite happy with a dog!

Stay safe everyone

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